2nd Segment of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

This is the continuation of the three things that I came to ponder on when I was able to watch the movie.  I have already said so many things about my mother.  Now v\comes some thoughts about my freinds and friendship as it happened to me.

I mentioned in high school that I turned to my friends most times because I was unhappy at home.  Rather than deal with the darkness of my home life, I turned my attention to the group of trusted friends I had back then.  Those were idealistic days.  Where everything has a new meaning.  Where sentimentality reigned.  Where we viewed ourselves as the misunderstood youth.  Where we viewed ourselves as rebels with due cause.  Angst against parents. Against peers.  Against inequality.  Against the IN Crowd.  Against unrequited love.  And everything we felt were real and so new and so damn hurtful.  I go back to the days when we had treks under the hot sun to go to a ”barkada’s” house after school is out for the day to lounge around, or watch movies, or bake.  I go back to the days when we go out and have a trip in various places in Laguna, swimming overnight.   I go back to the days when we dont have money and passes the hat most times to be able to afford fries and hang-out at McDonald’s Alabang.  And I go back to the days when we would dael with issues in the classroom:  our boy classmates felt neglected because we fancied this particular teacher; or that we ought to help our classmates who find it hard to catch up on lessons; or that it was wrong for a few of us to follow what other teachers commanded and started coming in classes in the company of other sections (we were penalized for being such a big headache that all the class ‘performers’ were distributed to lower sections) and that we were considered traitors for having done so.

I loved my barkada so much that I felt my heart broke come graduation day because I knew deep down inside we will never see each other again.  We might see one another at times, but what was once will never be again.  So much time will pass by.  So much will happen.  And I know we will share it with other people.  Plus the knowledge that we will discover new things, do more, and achieve so many things that some of these friends will be left behind.  And indeed that’s what happened.

I have forgotten most of them in my daily life in college.  I developed new set of friends and new set of priorities.  I stopped writing letters.  Or calling.  And I know I have made them resentful and angry.  And that’s what happened too when I finished college.  I started working.  I revelled in my professional life.  I stopped writing, calling, visiting and texting friend.

I am writing this to acknowledge my guilt of having lost touch with my friends.  I hope they will remember me and forgive me if we do cross paths again.  I do intend to do something about it.  As soon as I get my schedule fixed, I intend to find out where they are and say hello.  I do hope its not too late to rekindle the sweet camarederie we had.  I am what I am now partly because of what I had shared with them.  And they made it possible for me to survive my tumultuous teenage years.  I owe that much to these unsung heroes.  Yes I do consider them heroes because they were brave enough to show me their human side, their vulnerability, their laughters and tears.  They told me their aches and pains.  I thank them wholeheartedly.

May this serve as a wake-up call to whoever reads this entry.  Go talk or say hello to a friend you haven’t seen in a million years.  Find out what happened to your childhood friend.  Reminisce the good times with your high school buddies.  Who knows, you might find yourself again in the stories that they have to tell.  And let you set yourself again in the right road to your success and fulfillment. 

call center job

I am a totally different person than the stereotyped call center agent.  I am the antithesis of that fashionista icon, cigarette twirling flashy personality.  I am introspective and inconspicuous most of  the time.  I would rather snuggle in my bed with a very good book as my companion.  In fact, I could read any good-size novel paperback in 2 days straight.  That’s how bookworm-ish I am.  I watch movies alone.  I would rather do things on my own.  And then I am training now to become a call center agent, where one is obligated to be warm, chatty, dynamic and go-getter.  A classic example of “Opposites attract.”  Ive always managed to find myself in situations such as these, where there is a clash of personality, a clash of inclination, a clash of wills.  And in a sense, in those times I feel alive and vibrant.  Ive wished that my life is more peaceful, no contradictions at all.  But then subconsciously I think my dharma is dictating me “No dont go there because this is your path.  This is the key to your ultimate growth.  You can be and should become this person.”  So no matter how I try to choose to be passive or non-committal, I still find myself in situations where I have to go out of my way more often. Be the first to initiate.  In short, be the doer most often and not just the thinker.

As I was saying I am training for a call center here in the south of Manila Metropolis.  And what a battle of wills it has become…It’s quite a challenge to engage total strangers in conversation, both colleagues and customers.  And to think that I dress so simply that I am verging on the side of being frumpy.  Against a multitudinous backdrop of chich cosmopolitan look agents adopt as their corporate attire.  

So you might wonder then why did you land yourself in there?  Of course, the utmost reason is pay.  Here in the Philippines, the BPO industry is one of the fastest-growing sector of private commerce.  Plus I get to practicce speaking in the business language 99% of the world’s population understands.  This would help me a great deal should I become successful in my quest to immigrate later on.  And I do come from the customer service sector, having worked for more than 8 years in the service sector–a fastfood, a paper products company and a national bank.  so it comes naturally that I would swith careers and move on to a job within this sector also.  Although of a totally different nature.

So now, I do constantly adjust to find a balance between my inherent character and the requirements of my work.  And so far, I am doing an OK job.  I have understood early on that I would need to improve on my social skils.  My being attentive to details suits my work just fine also.  Plus I am patient and diplomatic–2 key traits needed in order to be a very, very good call center agent.  I am very much willing to learn the ropes of the trade.  And I know attitude counts a lot in the long run.  So, even though at times I doubted my decision to find work in this industry, deep down I know I made the right choice.  As Bob Farrell puts its, serving customers is a noble profession.  I would say for me it is an undertaking.  More of a journey with so many twists and turns.  And a few surprises waiting on the roadside.  

The majority of the population misconstrue call center agents as chic, chatty but dumb personality.  A total “coño”.  Who worships everything American.  Well these people need to stop and think otherwise.  There are doctors employed in the BPO industry as call center agents.  Lawyers too.  And thinkers such as myself.  And I can certainly vouch that the few rotten apples you met are just a slim segment of the manpower employed in the call center industry.  This segment is not a legitimate representative of the whole.  So it might do good to give call center agents a break.  Think twice before you speak your thoughts out loud.  Live and let live.

So in the meantime, I do intend to enjoy my stay with the company I am in right now.  For as long as they need me. 

THE VALUE OF FORMAL SCHOOLING

I have this co-trainee that has a big chip on his shoulder regarding his education.  he was not able to finish college.  All he was able to get into was a one-semester stint in college then he stopped.  Accdg to him he started working at 18, stopped schooling at the same time because of financial difficulty.  You see he comes from a broken family and his parents have their own second families.  He was left on his own.  Given this background though, in my opinion does not entitle you to give up hope and just drop out of school.  The thing is, formal schooling prepares you for a better future.  It is not a guarantee, definitely, for a high-paying job or an executive position. Yes, but it will make you smart and disciplined enough to know what your skills are, what your potentials and limitations.  And most importantly what you can do to plan your career path.

In class, this person takes umbrage on the slightest attack he gets regarding his lack of college education.  But it is always imagined attacks.  No one in our class is that callous to discriminate against someone just because he isnt a college graduate.  He is so cynical and pessimistic that even a glance is a guarantee he will have a showdown with you.  He is so “barumbado” that he takes maturity at a different level.  Thats what he always say, “I am mature enough…yadah yadah yadah.”  Huh?! You call that maturity?  Or yes, he is mature, mature or ‘ripe’ enough to be a neurotic.  And then he would proceed and say he has years of experience with the industry we are in.  It should count.  Yes I totally agree.  No question on that.  But then his practical education can only go so far because it differs from one workplace to another.  It is not uniform knowledge even within the same company.  His experience with 1 workplace will not be the working knowledge in the other workplace.  Without formal schooling and a degree to speak of can only get him that far.  There will come a time that he doors wont be opened for him because he is not qualified.  In a world where MDA’s and PhD’s are a must in order to progress, sadly he will not make the cut.  And with his personality, he will not like it one bit.  And the way he said it sounded like we graduates and degree holders with no call center experience is no match for him because he is a veteran in the industry.

One other thing I despise about the man is that he is so an airhead.  He cannot back up his statements.  But he walks around with an air of a know-it-all.  He has an opinion and a say on virtually everything.  Always needed to say something to the class.  Sad that nobody notices him.  On this one occassion he even said, “Im sad because nobody has a crush on me.”  My goodness, GROW UP!!!

So I am dreading the day that training ends and we will ultimately be deployed to our respective teams.  I dont want him to be my teammate.  He wont be able to contribute to my growth.  He is an emotional vampire.  Im so certain of that.  So I am crossing my fingers from this day forward to ward this definite evil off!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

I was able to watch this film and quite enjoyed it.  It was about 4 friends who grew up together and would be seperated for the first time that summer.   3 of them will be overseas–Lena is going to visit her grandparents in Greece; Brigitte is off to summer camp in Mexico and Carmen is vacationing with her father in N carolina.  Tibby is left alone in their hometown, stuck in a dead end job as a store clerk.  Prior to their seperation, they had a stroll downtown.  By a quirky turn of fate, they found a pair of denim jeans that fits each of them perfectly.  It was statistically impossible.  So that same night they gathered together and formalized the sisterhood of the traveling pants.  They drwe up rules on how to manage the pair of denim jeans amongst themselves: making it spend a week with each of them then on to the next.  Since they believe that this event and object is magical, they set their hearts on the thought that the denim pants would change their lives from then on and make things happen for them.  To make the long story short, things happened to each of them but not perfectly, as they intended to be.  Part of those changes were loved ones left behind, death of a newfound friend, irreconcilability of a mother and father, and the acute sense and pain of a parents death.  But one thing was sure, each of them learned a beautiful lesson in life that definitely changed who they are that summer–for the better.  They met again and were eager to start a new chapter on their lives–looking forward on the challenges the days would bring.

I cried because the film was poignant.  It speaks about family, growing up, beliefs and aspirations.  The film touched a cord somewhere deep within me.  It made me think about my mother, my friends and my personality.

Id like to talk about my mother first.  She was the most unappreciated, unrecognized person that I know of.  I still grieve for her even after 3 years.  You see she died suddenly.  And I didnot have time  to mourn her.  I went about my ways, made myself busy, shrugging it all of.  I went through the motions of the burial.  But it did not register to me that hey, you’ll never gonna see her again, ever!  I was not able to know her well.  What she likes the most.  What things make her cry.  How she laughs when overjoyed.  

She was a widow when I was months old.  She singlehandedly raised us with what small income she had.  I cannot begin to fathom how she managed to keep us fed and clothed when what she earned was less than what I earn in 15 days at present.  And she had to pay the rent and send us to school.  We were four.  When I started working, I had difficulty making ends meet and I only have myself to care for.  Thats only one of the myriad of reasons I have to view my mother in a new light.

You see I grew up resenting my mother.  Sibling rivalry is strong in my family.  Even as we grew older.  There is just 1 sister that my mother loves so much.  Later on I just accepted it.  But formerly, my life was pure hell.  I was a volcano waiting to explode.  I resented why she had us when she can barely provide for us.  I resented her heavy hand–she manhandles me to keep me in line, unlike my three sisters who grew up with my father’s relatives.  I resented the fact that we were always left to our own devices because she works away from home.  I resented the fact that I grew up without receiving any hugs or kisses or compliments or praises coming from her.  In our family, we do not show emotions, or say i love you or good job.  She would always say thats not good enough. You have to do more.

So i turned to my friends and studies to help me get throu my teenage years.  It was difficult.  It made me so cynical I feel no joy in anything.  It made me pessimistic that i trust only a few people.  It takes me a long time to warm up to somebody and trust.  I blamed my mother for our poor and unfortunate fate.  We had to foregoso many things inlife, things that make kids grow up into confident individuals.  In our country, poverty robs us of our identities and potentials.  And thats how I felt.  Even now I felt like I could have done things differently given the right circumstances.  I wanted to learn so many things–arts, crafts, languages, sciences, philosophy, travel.  I went through so much just to finish school.  That alone cost me so much that I cease to trust in my abilities.  For me, it takes a lot of luck to be given a good oppurtunity and advance in life.  You have to be there in the right time, with the right training, knowing the right people.  I felt life dealt me a lousy card.  And I blamed it all to my mother, whom i though was irresponsible enough to marry early.  For being so spineless and settling for things that are second best.  

One time, she was offered by an uncle a capital of P5,000 to start a buy and sell business.  She just smiled and shrugged the offer off.  I disgustingly shook my head because I knew that mother got scared again.  Sacred to take risks.  Scared to gamble.

As I grew older I began to see things differently however.  I saw how my mother cried when a relative voiced out his contempt for us because we were needy.  I knew she was miserable because like her i felt we did not have any pride left.  Thats the first time i realized my mother is not as hard as i thought she was.  That she felt strongly about things too.  But that she was brought up by an uncaring mother and learned early on to bottle up her feelings.  That she needs to hide how she feels about things.  That everything is just melodrama.  And that fighting fate is useless.  And then I also realized how brave she was.  Given her limited circumstance in life, she made do with what she had.  She had limitations, yes.  But it made her all the more laudable because she brought us up single-handedly.  And we all turned up fine.  Whatever conflicts and difficulties we encountered is of our own doing.  WE decided what to do and what steps to take.  She did not have an influence on that.  It is unjust to blame her for all the things that went wrong in my life.

And all of these things made the pain of losing her so acute.  I was not able to tell her all these things.  Of how I realized her greatness.  Of how I loved her.  All I have are her memories.  I do pray though that she can hear me in heaven.

So i resolved that from this day on, Ill carry her example.  That Ill take to heart the good things she showed us.  That Ill do good, and achieve far more than what she had done.  It would be a fitting tribute to the one person who struggled to bring me up alright.  I love you mother, i know you can hear me.  No matter what ill be alright.  hey i got good training from you.  i know you are smiling up there.  Ill be good.  Ill be ok.

Hello world!

Hello world indeed!  I came to this blogging thing just now and I quite enjoy it.  It helps me vent my feelings and keeps me balanced.  I do hope you enjoy reading my thoughts and find some usefulness from them too!